Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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