i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
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