After last night, I could never be a politician.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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