Grow some girl-balls and come out already
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Success! We fucked roommates!
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
