During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
