ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
and she was petting her beer can
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
