We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
