sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
