I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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