What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Randomize
