this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
being pregnant is like rehab
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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