I think i peed on brittanys purse
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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