I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
