It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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