guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
