Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
