Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Randomize
