one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
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