I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
