just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Randomize
