im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
