Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
