If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Randomize
