do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
