was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Randomize
