At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Randomize
