I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
