wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize