where does the pee come out of this thing
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
