; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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