my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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