i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
