Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
