this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
