i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
