So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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