I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Randomize
