Ambien. No doubt about it.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
