So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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