now i know why i became what i already was.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize