and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Randomize
