so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
