he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Randomize
