i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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