If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
