i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Is it because I queefed?
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
