that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
