I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
