If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
