I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
