I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
My breath smells like gin and sadness
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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