When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
