My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize