Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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