Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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