hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
