I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
