I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
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