Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
