Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Randomize
