I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize