Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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