you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Randomize
