Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
