I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Boobs are out for the taking
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize