i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
