no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
