i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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