Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
