you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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