Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Randomize
