Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize